...NICOLE...

2007-09-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

today is my off day and we went sentosa.. jus the two of us.. was quite fun.. but the place jus gives mi alot of memories.. the seah im food centre.. everything.. even the porridge.. i guess he can see my moodiness on my face.. i guess he can sense im feelin somethin.. i jus nv say.. i will not say.. i am willin to face the memories with him.. build new memories with him to cover the old ones..

after tanning, we went to vivo to watch 881.. finally i get to watch that show.. finally.. after waiting fur weeks.. he brought me to watch jus like he promised.. really sweet of him.. thanks baby.. but i can actually see that he dun wanna watch 881 at all.. i know.. i can sense it long ago.. he din say.. he will not say.. he dun wanna upset me.. i know.. *sighs* sometime i jus feel that i am so demanding as thou i am takin a pistol in his head tellin him to do the things i wanna it be.. i noe i am demanding.. i am jus dyin to watch the show.. cuz the show is by roystan tan.. the director that i respect.. but i noe he dun wanna watch.. all his frenz tell him its not nice.. but i dun care.. im selfish.. sorry.. really sorry..

alot of things i nv say.. i jus dunno how to say.. now quarrelling with him n my dad, i dunno how to handle my emotion.. i dunno how to show how i feel.. i dunno how to put em in words.. sighs.. really sorry..

anew

2007-09-04T01:48:00.000+08:00

i have choosen a new path in my life.. i hope this new path will lead me thru wonderful times.. i believe in my new guy.. i believe in wat he can bring to mi.. happiness.. i strongly believe.. *hee*

freedom

2006-12-06T12:38:00.000+08:00

been starving myself for weeks.. ever since the day he wanna leave, i start to think that its not onli because of my character but also my image.. im too fat.. too lazy to beautify myself..

i started to eat only one meal a day.. it wasn't too bad as that meal will contain carbohydrate.. and that has make mi lose 3kgs in 2 weeks.. really happy with the result.. as everyone can really see the sudden change.. but still, he din see it.. he din realise i have become smaller in size.. *sighs* so i decided i still needa lose one more kg... and now, im eatin only one slice of bread a day wif plain water.. two advantage of such dietin habit: (1) i get to save $$... (2) i get to lose weight.. hahaha..

im usin up all my energy to bear with the starvation that i am sufferin.. my frens always say cannot eat is a sufferin.. now i really agree.. i am not sure if i like wat im doin.. but i jus wish to seek his attention, care and concern.. i can be as skiny as those beautiful girls, jus give mi some time..

freedom.. what is freedom?? i dunno how to really define it.. what type of freedom shld a couple give to each other?? can someone tell mi??

i am tryin so hard now to give him all the freedom he wants in the world.. no matter what he wanna do, i let him be.. during this 3 weeks, i learn that absence is actually a very good thing.. and also, i learn that he dun really need mi.. i think he enjoy the freedom he's havin.. n i will continue to give.. in a r/s, both shld give n take.. think i take too much so now is the time for mi to give.. im willin to give all i can..

been really tired with myself.. studyin, workin, dietin and tryin hard to please him.. i think what im doin now is not enuff.. i needa lose another 2kgs.. needa get one more part time in the night.. shld go school every single day.. and onli meet him once or twice a week.. dun care bout what he's doin outside.. dun care bout who he is meetin.. dun care a bout his whereabout.. dun care of what he wanna do with his day..

dunno if this will work.. but this is what u told mi... u wan ultimate freedom... yups...

22 Sep @ MOMO

2006-09-23T05:39:00.000+08:00

Friday Night @ MOMO

thoughts

2006-09-22T12:32:00.000+08:00

everyone has pasts.. i know u have too.. you always say u love me.. yes.. i can feel it.. but it is a different type of love.. its a love that you are being forced to show and give.. its not a love that you truly have.. y i say so? cause i can see that you are still living in your past.. living in her shadow.. you make mi feel that you only want her.. y? cause i can see that she is part of your life.. there do not really have a "us" in your dictionary.. you are not proud of me.. none of your friends know that i'm yours.. it make me have this urge to do the same back to you.. you make me have the urge to erase everything.. end everything.. i do not ask for much.. just let me know if i'm not the one that can make you proud.. if i'm not the one that can make you happy, just tell me.. i know you will be happier with other girls.. im sorry.. i will make it so obvious to other people that we are not an item k.. you know i do not have the confidence.. i do not feel special.. i do not feel pretty.. i do not feel good.. i always feel lousy.. you know i hate my life.. i do not know what i really wants.. i know i do not want to live.. i know i do not deserve you.. i know i am not good enough for you.. creating trouble for you.. making you feel bad.. i know i am a torture for you.. i know i am a burden for you.. i know i do not suit you.. i know you do not like me to think.. i know i think too much.. but i cant help it.. i am here.. thinkin.. shld i leave you now.. *sighs*

-i have a major heart break- T_T

what car am i??

2006-09-22T10:40:00.000+08:00

something very interestin i have found.. as i go thru william's blog, i saw this link & i try it.. it is to see what car best fits ya personality.. guess what...? i am my dream car!! haha.. this is the car i always wanna buy in the future..

I'm a Mercedes SLK!

You appreciate the finer things in life. You have a split personality - wild or conservative, depending on your mood. Wherever you go, you like to travel first class. Luxury, style, and fun - who could ask for more?

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

20th Sep @ MOMO

2006-09-21T04:56:00.000+08:00

Ladies Night @ MOMO

Imf welcome reception

2006-09-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

IMF Welcome Reception @ Esplanade

bin bin b'day

2006-09-17T16:40:00.000+08:00

Bin Bin's Birthday Party @ MoMo

- today i learn to cherish the one you love for every second.. cause u never know what will happen to him or her.. as u nv know next second will his life be taken... *sighs* -

outing

2006-09-16T19:24:00.000+08:00

a super rainy day it is... haa... yeah... finally me, mx & jud met up.. hee.. went to town... jh came along too.. but left after a few hrs.. den we went to eat live prawn mee at kim seng... wah... its so so fresh & nice.. haa... den at nite went momo with bb fur akito's birthday... so tiring... every week got someone will celebrate birthday at momo.. tml will be my darlin bin's turn.. hee.. dunno what to get...

sentosa!!

2006-09-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

its the eve of lester's enlistment day... tml will be his day to go in ns... den next time i can onli sms & call him on weekend... see him online on weekend.. meet him on weekend.. so.. today mi & rach gonna spend our time with him.. went to sentosa.. *hee* super long nv go together le..

Ps: lester!! i'll miss u super badly wor~ *hee* hope ppl there are nice... -hugs-

vegie day

2006-08-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

today is a vegie day!! wah haha.. although les birthday has passed, me & rach still decide to treat him a meal.. we went to this vegie restaurant.. hahaha... think we are not use to eat all vegie meal, after awhile we got sick of the taste.. haa..

actually im quite sad... bb went momo without mi.. nvm.. but he told mi he will come meet mi before he go den he din.. *sighs*

KTV!!

2006-08-25T04:30:00.000+08:00

tooo... today wake up onli, bb says bring mi go sing ktv... wah hahaha.. im flyin into the sky man.. hee.. so sweet of him...

he brought mi to lot 1... den we went to eat ramen at aji-sen... im like so confused lah.. its like today is not our anniversary or whatever special occasion but baby is jus so sweet to mi today.. *hee* so happy...

but i seriously dun understand why baby would spent that bomb today... *hee* the ktv, we sing from 7pm all the way till 2plus am man.. haha... so shiok... =P

badminton

2006-08-24T05:19:00.000+08:00

today was the day that we are goin to play badminton... hahahaha... noel, shi xiong, michelle, her bf, me & baby went to clementi sports stadium to play badminton.. *sighs* jud should be here.. but her jh dun let her come.. hmmm... so boring la.. everytime her jh oso dun let her come out with us man... *hee* but nvm, we still had lotsa fun man.. *haa*

i jus cant stop perspirin.. n i kept thinkin i have lost 2kg in that short time of playin.. its been ages since i do some sports man.. *laughs*

hmm... guess what? today is wed so... mi & baby head down to momo!! *laughs* so tiring la.. after the badminton session in the noon den after that momo in the nite.. haha.. but its like a routine now.. hee..

li yun's chalet...

2006-08-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

last nite we went to li yun's chalet.. hmm... i seriously think eric is very sweet la.. make a surprise chalet fur her.. kinda envy.. haha.. but it was really fun man... however, there is one thing that i am kinda unhappy bout it.. sighs..

when we reached there, i saw his ex-gf.. ok.. nvm... she din say hi or anythin.. but after awhile, she kept takin food fur baby.. sighs.. it made mi feel so so useless.. n i can see how much she cares bout baby.. =( i dunno what to do or say.. its not baby's fault so i cant possibly quarrel with him over that n demand him on anythin.. i mean, i do think that mayb is i think too much.. but i jus dun like her.. *humph* i hope the next time we see her again, she dun be so nice to baby...

mi n baby at the chalet.. *grin*

i am so tired man... after the chalet, we came back den i needa go work already... today is my fers day fur the assignment.. its fur head & shoulders... *laughs* so funny.. promoting fur shampoo.. but it was really alright.. hee.. cuz the ppl at clememti ntuc are actually very nice man.. *laughs* though time is really hard to pass but its not really a touture when i think bout the money.. hee.. again, tml i have to go work man.. *laughs*

wild wild wet

2006-08-18T00:53:00.000+08:00

woke up super early man.. planned to go wild wild wet with lester and rachel today.. hee.. so exciting.. i have never been to wild wild wet before man.. haa.. cant wait to go there and have lotsa fun.. the other time les n rach has planned to go.. but i am always the one cant make it.. this time round, finally i make it up to them.. haa..

the place was so cool.. wasn't really very big but there is really alot of things to play.. wahaha.. i tried all the slides n we had lotsa fun.. i remember when i was in sec, rachel, lester and mi used to have so much fun.. goin to such places.. hee..

ooo.. lester lost his wallet man.. in the arcade.. i guess he left it aside when he was playin game and forgot to take it.. sighs.. he's kinda upset.. was feelin anxious fur him too when we realised it.. haa.. but he is such a funny guy, he din wanna spoil our mood so he actually continue to go wild wild wet with us.. hee.. though we r kinda broke but we had fun man!!!

Ps: Baby... u miss out the fun we had man.. hee..

its me!!

..my Lester & Rachel..

what a smile man??

..acting cute?? hee.. somehow..

hey!! whats that man..

i think the design is cute!! look at their sign fur male toilet.. haa..

why is the sun so bright??

oh man... the play ground!! hee.. i love it..

don't i look cute with the sea horse??

ooo.. just showing some affection fur the plants..

new blog...

2006-08-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

woo hoo... i have created a new blog fur mi n him!!! http://baby-n-dear.blogspot.com... hee

national day 2006

2006-08-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

.::National Day'06::.

today i went to yiwen's place with baby fur steamboat dinner.. xiao bai n cheryl was there early.. hee.. the steamboat was really really very nice.. its the shanghai type of ma la huo guo... its so spicy.. but bb just dun eat spicy.. haa.. was very nice of yiwen n her mum to invite us over to have the steamboat dinner.. they prepared everythin all by themselves.. so sweet!! -grin-

i really enjoyed the food.. its one of my favs now.. haa.. we just sat down together n chit chat.. so nice.. seriously, i dunno wat it will feel like when yiwen's goin to fly to canada after her graduation.. i dunno what it will be like when i will nv get to see her here animore.. chattin to mi.. teasin mi.. takin care of mi.. i am sure i will miss her badly.. -sighs- though i really wish she dun go but i noe its fur her own good.. hais...

fireworks

2006-08-06T03:18:00.000+08:00

.::Fireworks @ Esplanade::. [5th August'06]

woked up super early today.. needa go to some place fur the ntuc training course.. so tiring.. *laughs* its a whole day course n actually its nothin much to learn.. but its a compulsory to go.. lucky i have jud to go the trainin with mi.. *laughs* if not i'll be damn bored..

after the trainin, baby came to fetch me from redhill mrt.. so sweet of him.. though last nite he went momo but he still managed to wake up early n pick mi up.. bb n me went to city hall to meet lester and rachel.. tml is actually les birthday.. so we decided to meet up.. today esplanade is having the fireworks for the national day.. hee..

the four of us sat at the bridge to wait fur the fireworks to start.. we just play cards, game and read newspaper.. two hours passed.. finally it started.. it is just so beautiful.. i am just so happy that i get to see the fireworks this year.. i remember the last time i see the fireworks was two years back.. it was with william, lester and milton.. was really long ago.. hee..

a lot of ppl was there watching the fireworks.. the whole bridge and esplanade was crowded with ppl.. but i have my baby to protect mi.. hee.. he hugged and protect mi from strangers.. so happy.. haha.. though the fireworks is only bout 15mins but i still think it is worth waitin.. cuz i can feel the sweetness between mi and baby..

after the esplanade, les, rach, baby n mi went to mac to eat.. seein bb able to click with les n rach i am very happy.. cuz i just wan my baby to be able to have fun with my frens.. it seems like les n rach likes baby as a fren.. hee.. me and baby went to momo eventually.. it is our usual past time.. goin there dance and hang out with our fren.. it is a place so memorable to me.. cuz it is a place that i get to noe baby.. get to dance with him.. talk and hugged there.. *grin*

the pictures that lester used my phone to take while we walk thru the underpass to esplanade.. *hee*

taking pictures while waitin fur the fireworks.. -=les and rach=-

-=Baby and Me=-

recovery

2006-07-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

i think i should keep updatin my blog man.. been a real long time since i last updated.. i think i always start with this sentence fur my past posts.. hee.. one month has passed... i somehow feel that my life has become better already... things are becomin better...

warnin letters been floodin my mail box.. -sighs- a sign for mi to attend sch more.. -laughs- but i am so so so tired everyday... have been rushin proj every nites till dawn.. oh man..... hmmm... he has been very supportive of mi.. stayin up together with mi while i rush my reports.. i think i realli owe him quite lot.. -sighs-

depression

2006-06-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

its been a long long time since i blogged.. hmmm.. there has been lotsa stuffs happenin to mi.. been hurt emotionally.. mentally.. almost physically...

was really havin bad depression fur da pass two weeks.. its really a hard time to go thru man.. *sighs* many things happened.. too many.. too soon.. too fast.. too sudden..

was unable to accept wat my dad has done.. leaving all those shits behind fur mi n my sis to clear them up fur him.. so sad.. he nv spare a tot fur us.. i am not askin too much of u dad.. i jus wish that u can get a grip of yaself and do sumthin useful.. he has been slackin at home doin nuttin fur the past two years.. i agree to him that he is old and findin a full time job would be hard on him.. but he seems to be thinkin of becummin rich no matter wat method he can use.. i jus cant stand it.. now mi n my sis do not depend on him financially.. just need him to support himself.. not us.. i dun understan why it is jus so hard..

haven been home fur a long time.. even when i am home, either nobody's home or they are jus all slpin.. i dun feel any love and care there.. jus four walls of coldness starin at mi.. though i am always out, he do not need to think of sellin my hse away.. he is jus so stupid.. i nv expect him to think of that.. thinkin of sellin my hse to get money.. so many qn facin him askin him so if he sold the hse where we gonna stay, he cun even ans.. always thinkin that he can solve everythin at the tip of his finger.. he is jus crazy.. i cun believe and accept what he is tryin to do.. eyein on the hse.. a self fish father i can say..

when i noe bout all the things he has done, i just cun stop cying.. fur the last week of my sch term one, i have been crying all day long.. drainin all my energy off that i dun even have strength and mood to go school.. whatever i do, i will just tot of my hse and cries.. he may think that i dun care and i dun need that hse.. but he nv noe that i have deep feelins fur it.. i always feel that the hse is left by the onli person who cares bout mi alot in this world.. that is my grandma.. i have my whole childhood with my grandma and the whole hse jus remind mi of her.. now i feel that my father is a very heartless and cruel person.. one that i dislike lots now..

i jus wish that everythin realli ended.. n he will not create anymore trouble..

schools

2006-05-23T13:11:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. this is me and my dear jud.. haa.. i just love sch now as i get to noe em.. (mich,jx,jud,dar and other classmates) they are so nice to mi.. i no longer feel alone in class le.. hee..

im in class now.. having rwps.. so so bored.. =<>

?? G.U.E.S.S ??

2006-05-23T12:56:00.000+08:00

tata... these are my guess collections.. haa.. i just love guess.. gonna add a few more pieces soon oh.. -hee-

i purposely bought one whole set of da denim collections.. hee... and da wallet is from my *baby*.. hee... thanks lots dear..

holly bitch n useless bitch..

2006-04-30T20:26:00.000+08:00

woo.. this is da neo print mi n holly took on fri.. hee.. she's so cute la.. wanna take neos with mi.. haa.. actually im surprised by that.. haa..

chalet!!

2006-04-30T20:07:00.000+08:00

u noe wat i did last nite? haa... i went to michelle's b'day chalet... actually, when she asked mi to go fur da chalet last week, im really surprised n happy.. cuz i nv expect that i will be invited.. haa..

reached there kinda late cuz was still havin hang over fr fri nite.. haa.. -sianz- guess i have missed out lotsa fun that they had.. haa.. hmmm... quite a number of us are there.. half fr sp, half is mic's frens.. basically, michelle, her bf, judith, winnie, eileen, jing xian, mx, her bf and daryl is there... dar look so super hungry la.. eatin non stop once he reached.. haa.. but da chicken wings are really very nice man.. hee.. felt so happy to be at da chalet.. haa..

i reached there late but i left early.. cuz i went to momo.. ~again~ -.-" think i'll faint soon.. haa... judith dun wan mi to leave la.. haa.. i think she's a very funny ger.. i love my class now.. its like i even feel that i enjoy school more than work at ebase now.. !!this is a very good thing wor!! i really enjoy da companion that i have from jud, mic, jx n dar in sch.. hee.. so fun..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Michelle!! hope u had lotsa fun this week end.. hee..

reached momo rd 1130.. takin attendance at oh cafe wor.. haa.. but i am so so glad to see my beloved ah pat there.. hee.. she's been askin mi to club with her these days.. haa.. its been ages since i club with her.. but this time rd, so lil of us gals.. hope soon can club like last time, have bout 10 of us(all gals) there.. so happening.. haa..

yeah man.. da whole nite they played my ' tempted to touch (remix) ' twice man.. so high.. haa.. drank quite lots.. chong gave mi 2 glass when i asked fur one.. haa.. den still got shots fr my marvz n william.. haa.. angelia bought a jug of voldka ribina man.. haa.. so nice den we just finich it in a while's time.. haa.. just so high man.. dunnoe what im exactly doin oso.. haa.. guess i danced damn ugly last nite.. hee...

as usual, im perspirin like f*ck man.. -laughs- he says im like bathing.. haa.. though my top is so bloody thin but i just cant help to perspire.. eeeks.. im wet man.. haa.. im like mad lor.. dance rd with andy, elmo, william, cal, boy and surprisingly, akito! haa.. actually i dun tok to him one.. to mi, he is just "their fren".. haa.. ahhhhh.. holly my dear has came.. haa.. she's like usual, so hyper in dancin.. haa.. but everyone has left by den.. -.-"

den mi n him went to meet feli at 7-11 and took uncle johnny's cabbie home.. -sighs- when feli told mi bout what happened to her, i felt sad.. oh my god.. there's sucha bastard on this world.. so f*ck up.. i totally agrees with her frens that she shld treat him to a tight slap.. i cant imagine how cruel he is to say those words.. hope this type of guys will be retributed..

so bored now.. whole day been at home doin nuttin.. so bloody tired.. dunnoe shld go momo again tonight.. haa.. i think if jud see this, she'll sure scream at mi.. haa..

.:: thinkin shld i go and get my beloved guess wallet now.. haa.. if i buy, i can eat grass fr tml onwards.. haa.. -.-" ::.

choices..

2006-04-29T18:29:00.000+08:00

i really dunno wat i wan.. shld i just quit ebase? its been a one/half year job fur mi.. i dunnoe what to do.. i just really hate msq.. its been so unpleasant fur mi to be there.. after fiona have left, i dun see whats there to stay esp when im at msq.. what to do? sighs.. so vex.. if i dun work, where can i get money? i cun possibly pass days without any income.. *sad* i have to make a choice.. i am so sianz of workin n studyin.. i just wish i can have enough money to finish my diploma n survive everyday.. sighs..

would anyone help mi think of what to do? hmmm.. i got an beer assignment from tiger beers fur world cup season.. but it is just a one month project.. den what can i do after that? i dun mind doin anything man.. just not at ebase where im so sick n bored of it alrd.. why is cara so cruel to separate mi n my bin.. if im still under bin, i'll nv tot of quittin.. but now everything is so so diff.. im sad.. *sob* i just hope ebase terminate mi so i dun needa go back there fur any days anymore.. im totally out of committment alrd.. sighs.. anyone willing to take care of mi? haa..

*bored* goin michelle's chalet soon.. cun wait to have fun with them.. hee.. guess tonight will be goin momo again.. *madness* oh ya... i had a new guess bag.. haa.. its really nice.. judith n boy choose one.. thou not everyone says its very nice but i seriously like it n proud of it.. thanks boy.. haa.. hmmm.. hope i can get either wallet or ipod nano soon.. but i am so poor.. *sob*

...sweetness..

2006-04-29T18:19:00.000+08:00

how long more can i have these sweetness??

i need someone who can listen to me.. let mi confide in.. one that will remember what ever i said.. will buy subway cookies for mi n send it to me at my workplace.. one that will be so silly that went to coffee club to try to take away my fav dessert muddy mud pie.. doin all these to me just to brighten up my day..

one that will buy cough syrup n herbal tea for me n send to my sch just because im sick.. one that will pick mi up from anywhere that i wan.. one that will give mi ample attention and care.. show mi that there is really love in this world.. will msg or call mi during my boring sch hours.. who will get my fav blended choc and cookies whenevr we r at spin.. noes mi well enough.. n will be vex on what im vex on.. protect mi from ppl who r so irritating.. who tells mi how much he needs mi in his life.. how gorgeous i am to him.. tellin mi if eva this whole world turn their back on me, he will be da onli one that will not..

i do noe how much effort that u r puttin in.. i do not just let all these pass.. i do remember and its makin mi feel sumthin.. -.-"

sighs....

2006-04-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

hmmm... where shld i start.. holiday's ending le... so sianz n sad.. -sigh- i feel that holiday is so short can.. hmmm.. din do anithin much durin this hols.. everyday just work work work, club club club and go out..

i am really very tired... tired of wat im doin, work n club.. i din have much sleep everyday.. actually can feel my body is tearin apart.. though everyday i work but i am still so f*ckin poor.. when can i be rich? hmmmm...

i hate next sem.. im takin 8 bloody modules.. can i really cope? im alrd plannin nicely how every weeks gonna be.. i hope it can just go smoothly.. im goin back school to suffer fur a whole 8 weeks den can have hols.. wat the hell.. why god dun donate sum money to me? if can, i will not work but just put all my attention to my studies.. -sighs-

time just passed so bloody fast can.. i hope things do not change at all.. if it change, just change fur da better.. im holdin on to somethin i strongly believe in.. its u, my baby.. dun let things goes wrong yea.. -.-

words that i wanna says...

2006-03-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

so many things.. so many things i wanna says.. hmmm... where should i start?

-hee- wat i am livin in now is really great.. i had da best time of my life.. da dream just get sweeter and sweeter.. i feel that im realli lucky and really happy.. and now, its like im willin to give in everythin to him.. i am willin to give my life, my time, my love, care, concern and attention all to him..

i am meetin him fur everyday fur this two weeks.. if u ask mi is it sick not, i can say firmly 'no' wahaha.. but i am realli start to worry if he will.. which i think bout 80% he will soon stop meetin me.. -worried- how how how? -sighs- this realli bothers mi man.. so shld i stop meetin fur one or two day fers? i dunnoe.. qns keeps runnin in my mind.. i dunnoe wat to do.. i hope he wun be sick of mi.. hmmm..

...baby...

2006-02-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

i am really living in a dream.. a very beautiful one.. thinking everything is so wonderful for me now.. am i really right..? i dunnoe.. i am super confuse these days.. -sad-

i really hope everything is facts not just a dream for me.. i wish that i do not needa wake up from all these.. not now.. not so soon.. just let me have more of these.. pls.. -sigh-

i dunnoe how to tell my gals how i truly feel.. i just feel so lonely.. -sad- it really seems lyk everythings is truth.. but.. there are still lotsa things i found out.. my heart really sank..

when i see those things and hear those words, how i wish i can just die at that very moment.. i really cant live without him.. pls.. dun tell me its all lies.. even if it is.. just continue lying.. thanks..

a whole new year

2005-12-31T15:45:00.000+08:00

happy new year everyone.. lets dance all da way to 2006.. may all my unluckiness goes off.. *laughs*

.::a new Bling::.

2005-12-31T15:04:00.000+08:00

ooo wee.. i have a new bling.. u may not see it now but when i started talkin, it shows.. *laughs* ooo yea.. its my new tongue peircin.. hahahaha..

been wantin to pierce eva since i get my fers body peircin.. -my naval- but then was considerin lotsa things.. it was bout two years back so was thinkin if i get it, by lil or by lots, it will affect my speech which will affect my o lvl oral.. wahahaha.. lucky din pierce, if not my english confirm c6 or d7.. den wun b able to go DBF le.. *laughs*

wah.. da whole thing was fun man..

firstly: she numb my tongue by askin mi to rinse my mouth with highly concentrated mouthwash.. [really hate da taste of that stupid mouthwash..]

secondly: i stick out my tongue and she clam it with this metal thingy.. [it wasn't pain at all when she clam it, in fact, by that time i already cant feel it le..]

thirdly: i continue lettin my tongue stick out and she just simply use da needle to pierce thru my soft tongue.. [i really can feel it go thru mi, like cuttin sumthin realli soft.. mayb a cake? *laughs*]

forth: she just put da barbell in right after da needle.. [oh my, by this time, im droolin alrd man.. wah haha]

lastly: da ball!! she screwed tightly fur mi.. [yeah yeah yeah.. finally its done]

lalalala.. i have my tongue alrd man!! *laughs* so proud of myself, da artist said im very steady, whole time just stick out my tongue fur her.. wahaha.. it was realli quick just like my naval..

sean n shah was inside too.. stupid sean.. kept laughin at mi.. teasin mi.. finally when she tease mi, i cun say her back.. *laughs* reallli very uncomfortable and not use to it man.. like sum weird thing inside my mouth like that.. i totally dun dare to tok.. dun dare to move my tongue.. whole time just kept drinkin ice water.. laughs.. so sad, cun even eat ice cream.. so hard to eat..

wah wah wah.. my baby got her tattoo man.. on da back of her neck.. a dragon man.. super nice lor.. i see alrd im like wow.. *laughs* now she make mi oso feel lyk tattooin.. baby very power man.. she just lie ther and let da artist do her tattoo.. power sia.. never see her say a word, scream or cry man.. power.. *laughs* after she do, realli very nice lor.. haha.. it was a realli fast one.. onli slightly longer den mine.. ooo wee.. we both have sumthin new to our body.. haha.. power..

i almost fainted yest.. that night after i pierced, i totaly cun slp lor.. feelin realli uneasy in bed.. dunnoe wat time den i slp man.. sighs... still, yest must go work.. lyk usual, late again lor.. sigh.. ebase gonna sack mi soon i guess.. aiyo.. -sianz- den when i work that time, its realli hard fur mi to tok to da customers man.. almost died tryin to tok to em on da spot.. i get very wierd look from ppl.. -sad- i think they must b thinkin i got shorter tongue or disabillity man.. -sighs-

yeah yeah yeah.. im gonna b realli skinny after my piercin heal.. wah hahaha.. i din eat whole day man.. my break i onli go sit rd and look at passerby.. whole day onli drink ice milo.. hahaha.. sure can slim down alot.. *laughs* mayb its a gd choice to pierce bah.. haha.. realli need lotsa self control.. -stress- cun eat this, cun drink that, cun do this, cun do that.. -sighs-

guess wat.. im still sick from my flu and cough.. den now its like i cun cough normally.. my piercin will be in pain.. -sighs- wanna b cool but im sumhow sufferin fr it.. -sighs- so pain can.. now my tongue is dunnoe how thick man.. fr yest, it swell lyk f*ck can.. wat da hell.. so uncomfortable.. havin this fear that it wun heal man.. dunnoe y.. keep fearin that da swell wun go down.. sighs.. hope my tongue faster heal when sch start man.. and i hope i can slim down by at least 3kg when it healed.. *laughs*

explanation

2005-12-12T01:59:00.000+08:00

i realli dunnoe how to put in words n tell u all these.. its lyk.. i noe they are all sayin things out there behind my back.. and i noe u sure will believe wat they r sayin.. im just very irritated, confused n vexed by all these..

i wanna explain everythin to u.. but today thinkin bout it, i dunnoe if i shld.. mayb is im too sensitive or wat.. mayb its just im too confident.. sumhow i feel that u likes mi.. but den.. to think bout it, u din even say anithin.. so actually i dun needa explain n clear things up wif u.. cuz if my inpretation is wrong n tot u like mi, it will onli make a fool of myself..

im hearin lotsa things.. ppl r sayin that i like u n sum just says that actualli u like mi.. its like, u din mention anithin so i shldn't go n believe wat they r sayin man.. thats wat i think lah.. i shld believe my own ears n hear fr you.. guess mayb u just treat mi lyk a ger who go rd flirtin with others.. but im not k.. u dunnoe da whole story.. k.. if u wanna noe, pls cum n ask mi fur da real situation.. but if u dun lyk mi, might as well dun ask n bitch bout mi wif others.. its alright man.. ... ....

oh man.. its zouk out..

2005-12-12T01:23:00.000+08:00

... finally its da day of zouk out man.. laughs.. ooo.. woke up realli early to go sentosa to tan man.. yeah.. finally da sun is lyk damn gd lah..

sigh.. im all alone.. mel they all can onli join mi later.. nvm.. im just too despo to get tanned.. laughs.. ooo.. actualli cant believe i went tannin all on my own lah.. its lyk.. to think bout it.. its damn cool lor.. always wanna b lyk those very style ppl, go tannin on their own.. -hee- ooo wee.. da sun is lyk blazin high up in da sky.. its been a long time since i got sucha great sun to tan man.. though its realli hot but its very windy man.. haha.. so coolin.. till i realli just fall aslp man..

wah.. i cun believe i tanned fr 1130 all da way till 5 plus man.. laughs.. im lyk a lobster now.. so red man.. i think i am glowin lah.. haha.. im afraid soon i'll get skin cancer.. especially my shoulder so super red lah.. den oso a lil pain man.. laughs.. fur da very fers time, im tannin wif ivy, ying n mel.. its so fun lah.. all gers n just sit down there to chill n bitch rd.. i lyk to hang out wif em man..
out of a sudden.. i just wish rachel's here.. laughs.. dunnoe why.. miss her man.. laughs..

yea yea yea.. soon we gonna go zouk out le man.. but its lyk all of us are so bloody tired alrd.. so sleepy.. hmmm.. ivy very cool lah.. she's lyk die die oso must get drink.. so we went to habour front to get beer man.. wah.. da beer realli sucks when its not cold at all.. bleah.. cun take it man.. it totally make mi wanna puke lah.. oh man oh man.. almost fainted when i just got into zouk out.. argh.. damn it.. feelin very giddy.. sigh.. ivy they all realli very nice n realli took great care of mi but i just felt damn guilty to spoil their mood..sigh.. mayb zouk out is realli veri small man.. keep seein yw they all..

... actualli zouk out wasn't realli very fun.. it was alrite lor.. just very diff that we are dancin on sand n oso we are lyk wearin bikini n shorts plus slipper to dance.. ooo.. so bloody lotsa ppl lah.. haha.. so diff.. its lyk realli a very big event lor.. seein so many diff type of ppl lah.. haha..

oh man.. so cool lah.. got diff area.. den its lyk da rnb is so gd man.. da songs realli can let mi dance lyk hell.. .. laughs.. hmmm.. some guys are realli just as irritatin as gers n are sucha bitch man.. went up to this platform den is lyk da guys just dun wanna let us have sum space man.. if its gers i can understan cuz usually gers lyk to dance in front of da platform.. but these guys r lyk bitches tryin to have their territory.. n so wateva lah.. keep touchin mi while dancin.. shit man.. so irritatin.. stupid desperate ns guys.. wah.. so irritatin lah.. got squeezed n bang by this fat guy man.. oh yea.. its a guy again.. wat da hell lor.. argh... most of da guys are just so not gentleman..

tot zouk out was fun man.. but da weather realli spoil my mood lah.. just nice when andrew start spinnin, it rained.. oh man.. so freakin cold n irritated.. argh.. wat da hell.. andrew realli can spin all da nice songs lah.. but its lyk its too cold n wet to dance man.. damn it.. im so irritated n unhappy lah.. sighs..

so just left with wet body n clothes.. laughs.. wonderin if my fers zouk out experience was worth it not.. sighs...

elephant leg

2005-12-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

oh my god.. look at my leg....!! *laughs*

early mornin when i woke up, i injured my leg man.. sighs.. it became so swollen can.. now its lyk an elephant leg lor.. argh.. damn it..

whole day i cun realli walk properly.. esp when im goin down da stairs man.. ouch ouch ouch.. *laughs* so pain lah.. its lyk my muscle are tearin apart when i walk man.. haha.. seriously, i think its cuz i dun have time fur it to rest.. i realli wish to.. but i just have so much work.. go school today wif my fat leg den still must go work wif it too..

yeah man.. today cara's in shop lah.. she's so nice.. told mi if my leg cun take it thru da nite, just leave early can alrd.. oh man.. she's lyk more worried bout mi den anithin man.. realli miss da time workin wif her.. *laughs*

im realli very tired.. feel lyk dyin soon.. just end this miserable life.. sighs.. i suddenly feel that i dun even have time to rest man.. sighs.. its lyk im tryin so hard to make myself busy.. n i hope im real busy till i dun needa think.. n dun think is da best way to forget.. but sum times it just seems so hard n long to forget..

such a sick day...

2005-11-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

wah.. cant wake up in da mornin man.. lucky shawn called mi to wake up.. haha.. he very power lah.. that time can call 35 times even i if i nv ans.. laughs.. -yawn- so tired.. im late again.. felt so bad.. everytime i meet julian go school together is always i make him late too.. -laughs-

when we are on da train, guess who sms mi man?? -laughs- yw msged mi.. haha.. so surprisingly.. im so shocked.. my jaw dropped when i read the msg.. haha.. so he said was thinkin of meetin mi fur breakfast.. wah.. im lyk thinkin wat special day today is.. haha.. realli shockin man.. too bad.. im havin class at 9.. laughs.. if not i dun mind meetin him fur breakfast.. so funny lah.. he's early yet im late.. haha...

dunnoe why will he tot of mi this mornin.. haha.. mayb he dun.. mayb its just that his gal wasn't free to meet him.. *irritated*

he's still da same lah.. everytime msged half way will go disappear one.. laughs.. he wld b lyk never reply mi in the end.. den i'll b waiting if he wld reply.. realli hate that feelin.. sumtimes realli wonder is his phone or his character.. guess this is just him.. love to ignore ppl half way thru da conversation.. laughs..

-sighs- today never go work again.. was shivering inside lecture durin pacc man.. think i realli lack of slp lor.. sigh.. felt so bad never go work.. its lyk not i dun wanna work but im not feelin well.. thinkin bout tml have to go back, i realli dunnoe wat to say to josline.. these weeks she kept scoldin mi n stuff.. i noe im lyk takin her fur grunted.. but sumtimes its realli no choice.. lyk i got make up lectures n stuff.. but sum how she just seems lyk dun believe mi..

its gd that she's followin da rules n regulations.. but sumtimes i just feel certain things are not my fault lor.. sigh.. i hope she can understan how i feel.. mayb bcuz im treatin her more lyk a fren den an in-charge.. think i needa change at this pt.. *stress*

... i am seems to be realli overworked.. had too lil rest.. -sigh- to think bout it, i dun realli needa do so.. i just dunnoe y i choose to keep myself so damn busy.. my life is upside down now.. just feel so tired n that i have very lil time in life.. ...

sick

2005-11-28T02:14:00.000+08:00

... -yawn- so tired man.. today is da same old day.. work work work.. think im realli becummin workaholic... laughs... now im feelin so sick man..

today work up den go town to meet ya hui fur lunch.. she's a very nice person to tok to.. but i just feel so weird being with her.. -sigh- wah.. at da make up course, da make up we put is so damn thick lah.. is realli full make up man.. n its lyk my face looks lyk im gonna sings chi opera lah.. -laughs- can feel that my face is lyk cryin out fur air man.. haha.. cant wait to remove it..

met mel at habour front after da course before work lah.. she wore this long skirt n i think its very nice man.. she looks very diff but i think it suit her.. -laughs- hope she dun see this n just keep smilin to herself.. haha.. sum time she just cant stop thinkin that she looks weird.. i understan but just hope she have more confidence.. laughs..

dear.. its good that u try sumthin new.. laughs.. sumtimes not everyone thinks da same so must have confidence in wat u lyk.. even if they think otherwise yea.. this will make life easier.. -laughs-

so tired... worked at coast today.. got sum function man.. wah.. all ang mo agn.. but never mind.. they are nicer.. haha.. just that sum time i cant catch wat they tokin.. kept walkin here n there.. but so surprise, today time realli pass damn fast lah.. laughs..

yeah.. ying jie got into bikini bar too man.. laughs.. today 3 of us work together.. though im not wif em at same section but i just feel happy n dun feel alone.. laughs.. mayb cuz i noe theres sumone im close wif there.. haha..

now i hope ying will get used to it n her legs not tired le.. -hee-

-sigh- din have much time to tok to mel n ying today man.. just realise my life lyk damn busy.. laughs.. guess its oso gd bah.. den time will pass faster.. haha..

feelin so sick man.. sighss.. now got sore throat n flu.. blow blow blow.. thruout da whole nite chattin i just kept blowin my nose.. so xin ku.. haha.. i think im mad le man.. sighs.. haha.. *craving to go ktv* laughs..

=====baby rach... pls call mi soon kae.. im very worried bout u.. dun wanna u to face everythin alone.. i love u kae.. sighs..

sigh...

2005-11-24T02:32:00.000+08:00

i'm so super tired.. ...

im tryin to make myself seems like a super woman.. -laughs- just took up a job at bikini bar.. i've started workin there fur two days.. not bad huh.. -laughs-

i'm realli very tired lah.. doin two jobs and study at same time.. sum times i just dun understan why i so crazy.. -laughs- i dunnoe if im realli enjoyin wat im doin now lah.. i mean, i go sch, den go work n den go out in da nite.. cum home super late n slp super late.. slp so lil den next dae needa wake up so super early.. sum time i just think wow.. im so power man.. haha..

today i totally din wake up to go sch lah.. haha.. was slpin like a dead log lah.. shawn miss called mi 35 times i oso din hear lor.. -laughs- so i just wake up nicely at da time fom tutorial ends lor.. haha.. slack n slack n slack.. din go sch, still late fur work man.. -laughs-

time passed kinda fast today.. mayb cuz theres lotsa ppl lor.. so mani customers.. im super sleepy lah.. but i just keep on remindin myself on wat josline told mi.. must keep smilin.. so tired.. think my mouth gonna split lor.. smile n smile.. i realli wonder if ppl wld think im sick not.. laughs.. just hope i dun look idiotic.. -laughs- wah.. today got new arrivals can.. so nice!!! da new shoes are freakin nice lah!! i like man.. sumtimes i think workin at ebase is just throwin all da money back at them..

but its like da new shoes r so so nice lor.. -laughs- now im super broke yet im super tempted to buy stuffs.. i think my brain is realli mad..

so scary can.. its like shawn told mi he'll cum find mi after moi work.. den julian suddenly appear at my shop tellin mi he will wait fur mi to go home together.. all of them r lyk out of sudden lah.. den i cant get shawn so how i gonna tell him dun cum man.. oh man.. one more one more.. sean msged mi that she's like on her way to ps lor.. or man.. this is headach man.. i dunnoe how lah.. felt so bad can.. askin julian to go home fers.. went fur coffee wif sean.. aiya.. so guilty.. lucky shawn din cum.. if not i realli dunnoe wat to say to all of em lah.. -sighs-

i have so mani nice frens man.. haha.. sean so nice... she used tissue paper to do roses fur mi lor.. fers time i see such things... n its lyk so so so nice lah... haha.. she's so lucky, hols den just stayin at home do nuttin.. so nuttin to do, did da roses fur mi.. -laughs-

tada!! da roses that sean made fur mi.. so nice rite?? haha.. so environmental friendly lor.. laughs... ...

sigh.. jeff asked mi to go clubbin at zouk tonite.. when my bus went pass zouk, im lyk so tempted lor.. haha.. even i din club, i oso slp so late man.. laughs.. oh man.. im realli crazy.. haha.. talked to him on da phone.. haha.. fers time.. so farni.. -laughs-

... realli needa slp le.. its lyk tml still got stupid itab.. dun wanna b late man.. sighs.. so super tired...

club

2005-11-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

... im sooooo bored....!!! so so so bored...!! no calls, no msg.. i called him today... he dun seems lyk wanna tok to mi.. sighss.. feel so irritated... *sigh*

long time no blog...

2005-11-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

its been realli a long time since i've blogged.. sighs.. da one whole month of hols is just so busy.. since today im ao free, i think i shld update this stupid blog..

i din go sch today feel so sick man.. sighs... was coughin lyk hell da whole day.. havin fever n runnin nose.. cant even open my eyes this mornin..

i din have proper sleep everyday.. im just realli realli very tired now.. every nite when im suppose to b slpin, i wld just open my eyes evry hr to check my phone fur his msg.. i just cant let myself to b in deep slp.. sigh.. im afraid he wld have just msg mi in da middle of da nite lyk usual.. i just wan to reply him asap whenever he msg mi.. but these days, he just seems to b so far away fr mi.. *sob*

no matter how long im waitin, da msg n call just nv cum.. da onli thing i can do is just wait.. wait fur him to feel better.. wait fur him to see my existence.. wait fur him to talk to mi... wait fur him to ask mi out.. wait fur him to realise im waitin..

after all, i just feel that im their third party.. is it my fault to get myself into all this?? i dunnoe.. shld i just dun think bout him n get on wif my life...?? im tryin... y is my life upside down now because of this guy.. sigh..

why he cannot just talk to mi when he's so sad.. im willin to listen to him.. i just want to be there fur him.. ...

i onli can suffer quietly myself here.. he wld never know.... ...

yea.. exam's over!!

2005-09-27T01:15:00.000+08:00

finally da exam is over.. today is econs.. da paper that i have da least confidence in.. -laughs- im still tramautised by e other time that i've got 57 fur da test.. so damn sad man.. so today im realli wanna make it work.. haha..

last nite i totally din slp can.. haha.. in fact fur da past 3 days i totally din slp can.. fri nite i chat online till 2plus den i went out at 3 to meet rui xia and jia qing to settle their prob.. so tired man.. wats worse?? still must work on sat.. and i think im realli crazy.. after work still went to liquid wif rach.. haha.. so power sia.. haha.. although din really have fun but oh man.. i onli went home at 4am lor.. so damn shack..

so i slept less than 24hrs fur da pass 3 days.. haha.. yest oso damn tedious.. i went to meet rach at national lib.. i suppose to study n she do her proj.. but my brain realli just cant work man.. haha.. who can when theres so lil slps.. haha.. hmmm.. i realli cant take it n oso cant absorb a single thing of econs man.. so i went home n slp fr 6 to 11pm den woke up to study till dawn..

argh.. so f*ckin tired.. haha.. realli dyin.. its lyk 6hrs of hell fur mi.. all da graphs n stuffs.. though i realli manage to fin rem all da chaps, i still not sure if i can give all.. haha..

so when i step into da class, im lyk a zombie in my sit waitin fur instruction.. haha.. thru out da paper, its realli drainin my realli last bit of energy man.. so mani words fur da mcq!! so irritatin.. haha.. i see da words i realli dozin off man.. i took a hard time to finish all da qns.. haha.. den when im doin da sect b, i looked at my watch.. wow 10.05am n i still have 2 n a half long qn to go.. haha.. i think im mad.. i tell myself, lucky still got an hr but da fact is onli left wif 35mins.. haha.. brain dead... haha.. cant believe it..

rush rush rush.. totally rubbish fur my last two qns.. haha.. but finally all these are over.. just hope everythin will b fine.. haha.. and all of my clique just thinks im nuts.. i went sun tannin straight after paper wif rach chng.. haha.. we went to apply fur islander card too.. so cool.. haha.. so happy finally im tannin again.. haha.. i tan till i got headache man.. haha.. im just a crazy bitch.. haha...

im sorry...

2005-09-19T13:41:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt

The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together

i know nothing's gonna change ya mind.. its just tearin mi apart...

last post till exam

2005-09-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. this is my last post.. i not gonna online from now on.. because of my exam which is in less than 20 days.. damn it.. gonna concentrate n focus alrd.. haha.. will continue bloggin after 26th sept.. hope luck n god is always on my side.. i'll work hard.. -stressed-

clubbin b4 exam..

2005-09-01T06:06:00.000+08:00

hmmm... after sch i went to have lunch with dino.. he changed alot man.. i almost cant recognise him.. but he's still as irritatin as ever lah.. haha.. very nice of him to treat mi lunch.. haha.. dunnoe y suddenly sae wanna eat lunch tgt too.. he's damn irritatin lor.. kept laughin at mi wearin my specs n oso at my teeth.. damn it man.. shouldnt have agree meetin him.. haha.. noe him so damn long, he has nv ever change that stupid attitude.. haha..

i've been so tired fur so many bloody daes.. finally today no work n sch ends early.. haha.. after lunch i rushed home just to slp.. yeah man.. -laughs- hmmm.. must get all my beauty slp so that later in da nite i'll have enough energy to dance thru da nite man.. -laughs-

hmmm.. slp slp slp.. got my beauty slp n make myself so happy.. haha.. woke up to do my make up n doll up myself fur da nite.. haha.. so happy.. its been a few weeks since i club.. finally can club le.. -laughs- i feel so sick can.. its lyk every single day i just go sch den work den just go home sleep.. feel so no life lor.. -sigh- but i noe tonite im gonna have lotsa fun n those awful days would just stop fur a while.. wahahahhaha..

hmmm spend almost two hours to make myself pretty.. haha.. but think no matter how mush effort i put in, still look da same leh.. sad.. how i wish i can do sumthin to my face n body so i can b hot n gorgeous.. haha..

hmmm... these are my final looks before leavin the house.. haha.. hope i look good tonite n my make up r alrite.. haha..

met rach baby at far east.. hmmm.. taz n her look r so loving.. so happy fur her.. hee.. he very funny can.. kept sayin funny things.. hmmm.. den mi n baby just head down to dbl o lor.. realli excited.. dunnoe if they will let mi in not.. haha.. guess wat?? they realli let mi in by xiao bai's id man.. oh man.. i nv expect that i look lyk 20.. haha.. e door bitch din even ask ani single qn n just let mi in.. i guess im just lucky that's all.. haha.. wow.. e place is not bad man.. its quite big n e drinks is rather nice.. haha..

hmmm.. baby n i drank quite lots man.. haha.. nv had so much drink n not drunk yet before.. im just damn high n needa dance lor.. haha.. we took cab to zouk.. ooo.. all of em r there alrd.. r we late?? nah.. they r early.. -laughs-

-sigh- even though im not totally drunk, i vomitted.. guess my stomach still cant tak all these bah.. -sigh- so my nite wasn't that fun after all.. haha.. i spend time movin in n out to the ladies til i din have much to dance.. haha.. dunnoe y now adays dun seems to b able to dance well.. think cuz im fatter thats why.. haha.. -sad-

oh my god can.. i reached home at 6am.... dunnoe how am i goin sch tml.. haha.. i went fur supper wif baby n taz den talked to ash till 6am.. haha.. so power sia.. so drunk n high but yet chatted wif her fur so long.. haha.. hope i din say anithin wrong.. haha.. so happy to have all my baby to b with mi tonite.. rach, cass n ash.. all three beauties man.. haha..

its a pukey n happy nite.. -laughs-

sianz dae..

2005-08-30T23:23:00.000+08:00

todae went to school late man.. -laughs- i lyk will nv change tis very bad habit.. haha.. we had our alpha challenge todae fur mob.. so funny.. we played blind fold.. feel lyk a kid man.. haha.. realise im actually very timid.. cuz i dun dare to move a single step when i cant see.. -laughs- guess im just not a risk taker..

damn it man.. i went to harbour front wif joe, rui xia n jia qing todae.. den e bikini that i wanna buy has no more new piece.. bloody hell.. spoil my mood n plan.. -sighs- now realli moodless le.. haha..

hmmm.. toked to mickey just now.. oh man.. e bag no longer available at taka.. f*ck sia.. that means it will b sold out soon.. so freakin stress n sad.. argh.. so vexed.. dunnoe shld buy tml not.. damn it.. if i buy, i'll just eat grass fur a month.. -sob- i just wan that bag y must it b so tough.. -sighs-

very bad mood man.. haha..

a new fren.. ooo..

2005-08-29T23:36:00.000+08:00

todae when i woke up, realli feelin damn giddy n headache can.. oh man.. wat's wrong wif mi.. cant wake up at all.. just feel so sick can.. so i just msg tim n edweena den i go back to slp.. after few hours den i woke up, plannin to go see doc le.. hmmm.. joe is realli nice.. he offers to go with mi.. he realli accompanied mi man.. i just feel so weird.. im meetin a guy who i haven see before.. kay.. that's not the main point but the main point is that he just left sch early so that he can accompany mi.. wow.. gentleman.. haha..

so we met.. lucky jia qing was there if not i will not know that this guy is joe.. haha.. i just couldn't recognise him.. dunnoe y.. -laughs- aniwae, he got this realli built size that im impressed.. haha.. remind mi bit of dom.. haha.. just e image i guess.. hmmm.. so we sat in e clinic fur quite sum time.. he's very quiet can.. i realli dunnoe wat he's thinkin lor.. n i think im just borin him.. hmmm.. guess he's disappointed when he see mi in real life.. haha.. i noe that.. i always disappoint ppl.. lookin ugly in real life.. -sad-

but he commented sumthin that made my day.. he's so quiet but he just said i look realli gd after i tied my hair.. haha.. so happy.. dunnoe y.. mayb cuz i feel worthy.. -laughs- hmmm... he's a nice fren to have.. haha.. den that jia qing n ash so lovin can.. haha.. im so happy to see that.. so happy to meet her todae.. its been yrs since i last saw her.. still as tall n pretty.. gee..

hmmm.. im just so happy to have a new fren todae.. laughs..

Guess ???

2005-08-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

todae woke up realli early to go marina to relief..
oh my god.. there's so many things they haven fin doin last nite.. no wonder need us to cum so bloody early lah.. the shop is realli big man.. hmmmm... im gonna wear my pink lil heels whole 13 hours walkin around in a more den 1500 sq feet shop.. haha.. guess my legs will b toned realli soon.. wheneva i waer my heels fur damn long, i would think of ashanti.. -laughs-cuz she always wear heels to dance n her legs r so damn hot can.. realli wonder when i can get such figure.. -laughs-

hmmm.. after work i met mickey fur dinner n walk walk lor.. hmmm.. we went raffles city.. oh man.. shldn't have wanna go there.. we went to Guess.. damn it.. that bag oh man that bag!! i saw the bag that im totally in love with.. haha.. oh man.. its just so beautiful.. but e price of it is oso so beautiful.. laughs.. $199.90.. damn it.. 200 bucks.. almost just get it in impulse.. argh.. im sufferin now.. why am i not rich?? if i had the money, i wld just sae yes when that guy ask if i need any new piece.. haha.. ooo.. before we left, i saw this bracelet that is freakin nice too.. bloody hell.. y is life this way?? nice things always appear when u cant get it.. -sigh- i just wish there's realli santa claus in this world and he will give mi an advance prezzie.. -laughs-

hmmm.. now i onli have the bags in my mind.. just couldn't get it out fr my mind.. -sigh- haha.. but i just think i needa save thats all.. im sure i can b my old self.. starvin myself real hard to save that $$ fur the things i wan.. im sure i can.. haha..
den mickey saw this top in timberland that he realli love and it costs the same as my bag.. oh man, guess wat, he's gettin it..!! -darn- this is the diff between a rich kid n a poor one.. -laughs- cant stand him, just so freakin rich can.. haha..i still must think think think n think if i shld get that bag but fur him, its just one snap man.. -laughs-

shall continue wishin, hopin, cravin and dreamin bout havin my bag.. oh santa, pls pay a visit to mi soon.. -laughs- i just feel lyk a kid..

both my baby..

2005-08-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. todae is saturday...!! i always work on sats but todae exception.. -laughs- requested fur todae's off.. cuz yati invited mi to her wedding dinner tonite.. hmmm.. still wonderin wat should i wear to go.. -laughs- im so excited as im e one gettin married.. haha..

yeah...!!! i went sun-tanning todae with my baby!!! hahaha.. its been few weeks since i go with baby.. so happy.. haha.. e sun was alrite not realli damn strong but i guess it was fine enough fur my skin to absorb it.. haha.. we were so funny.. laughed at sum weird people todae.. so fun.. haha.. i think i very stupid.. i made her sit e beach tram wif mi fur bout 3 rds.. hahaha.. im lame i noe.. i just love goin to sentosa fur sun tannin.. haha..

so i went home n changed after tannin to go yati's dinner.. she's so beautiful man.. oh man.. cant stand it.. she's realli gorgeous.. haha.. im so happy fur her.. dunnoe y im always glad to see my frens get married.. haha..

went to town wif jasmine they all.. oh man.. jas is realli nice to mi lor.. she treat mi lyk her sis lyk that.. so nice of her.. haha.. i just feel so happy that though we dont realli noe each other, she can just treat mi so nice n warm lor.. gee.. i love nice ppl.. -sigh- cass baby is stress agn.. she's feelin down agn.. oh man.. i feel so sad fur her.. met her after jas they all left.. went to chill wif her n hear her out..

she arr.. dancin queen man.. we were sittin opp cheeky monkey den her soul just kept thinkin of dancin.. -laughs- cant stand her so we went over to liquid room.. ooo.. it was free of cuz as its ladies nite.. haha.. rnb all da way.. but damn pack lor.. irritatin.. we din club fur long.. so tired can so i just couldnt help it n wanna leave soon.. haha.. sorry k baby.. -laughs-

57....

2005-08-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

bonsoir.. haha.. today is thurs again.. so boring.. the most hungry day of the week.. -laughs- went to sch early to do the bloody EC.. make mi wake up so early.. *yawn*

ooo.. i think i really quite power.. i just ate a slice of bread and 4 nuggets for the whole dae.. so cool.. but i guess im dyin soon.. haha.. just have no mood to eat man.. stupid econs lesson lah.. make mi sad onli.. sigh..

im so sad sad sad sad sad sad extremely sad can.. today got back our econs ca2 paper.. i got a D lor.. wat the f*ck.. a D man.. wat did i do.. arghh... damn it.. i feel so bloody down.. when i turn to my right and left, both A.. i feel so ashame to hold my script man..

when he pass it to mi, he gave mi this disappointin look.. what the hack man.. i knew that i would do badly from the way he looked at mi.. im so sad.. *SOB* when i hold it up from my table, i looked at it with disbelief.. wat the f*ck man.. a D leh.. a D man.. i feel lyk jumpin down fr the windows.. my eyes soon filled with tears.. i dunnoe what to sae.. its clearly that i din put enough effort in studying.. damn man.. this would realli pull mi down.. im just so back behind.. arghhhhhhh..

now even more no mood liao.. damn.. must go slp alrd.. tired..

damn ec..

2005-08-24T00:56:00.000+08:00

damn it.. im so bloody tired these daes.. din blog fur two daes le.. -sigh- been rushing for my stupid EC proposal.. i think its so irritating lor.. i cant seems to put my points into words.. damn.. make mi realli sad onli.. -sighs-

todae was actually very fun.. had my mob presentation.. got to do a skit too.. so funny.. e whole 3 hours just cant stop laughin.. i din realise my class can b so fun man.. -laughs- kien hoe is realli a joker lor.. kept saying stupid things to make mi laughs onli.. his behaviour and his facial expression always tickles mi.. -laughs- my group din really prepare well and reharse the skit at all.. but im so shock that my team mates can actually react so well on the spot.. -laughs- esp when jun da just throw the file and scream like he's really angry.. -lol- i think he can win oscar le.. haha..

hmmm.. i just hope that our last min n on the spot work will get us sum where.. -laughs- din expect the team to end the whole presentation with a bang and i think we just work so well together.. -laughs- finally one proj down man.. -sigh- still got one more.. all this are killing mi.. *sob*

hmmmm... i think i quite power man.. i wore my new pairs of heels fur almost 13 hours.. -laughs- though i got blister but i still continue to wear.. i realli can endure man.. haha.. summore todae i worked at marina.. walked up and down with it but my leg just dun realli seems tired.. -laughs- so proud of myself man.. haha..

tah da!!! this is my new heels.. so formal rite?? haha.. it will b my next fav pair of shoes le.. *gRiN*

...todae is not a wonderful day after all...

...he is not a total gentleman..!! made mi climb the stairs in my heels.. so tired can.. still can scold mi that im so lazy and blah blah blah.. sum times the way he tok to mi is just so irritating.. although he's nice in a way that he will come all the way to fetch from my work but i just dunnoe why sumtimes the things that he says irritate mi..he seems to start scolding mi things can.. im oso not his gf why shld i behave the way he wan mi to?? crazy can.. he just lyk sae im dao n act cute.. wah lao.. u dun needa b so rude to a ger lor.. we r just frenz wat.. if u dun lyk to have an act cute fren, dun tok lor.. *humph*

moodless

2005-08-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

no mood blogging.. vexed and stressed.. -tired-

pictures..

2005-08-22T10:29:00.000+08:00

i am just so bored in class.. i guess i shall upload some pictures.. -laughs-

gee.. i noe i just love to act cute in front of the cam.. -laughs-

this is me and my baby after our sun tanning session.. -laughs-

i think i need more pictures.. -laughs-

.....

2005-08-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

im so bloody tired.. yest full shift todae oso full shift.. -sigh- work so much yet pay still so bloody little.. my dad showed mi my hp bill.. oh my god.. its 180$ oh.. how e hell my peanut pay gonna settle it?? -sigh- realli dunnoe how to manage man.. im goin crazy.. gonna fall into depression soon.. argh...

hmmm.. realli dunnoe y, i juZ think she's realli irritatin.. whole dae cant stop tokin man.. kept tellin mi stuffs that im not interested in.. she's so freakin proud can.. urgh.. so irritatin.. i just comment that what i should do to make myself look prettier den she start tellin mi that she has lotsa model agency approachin her.. so proud!! cant stand it.. e way she talk is realli gettin on my nerve can.. damn it.. when will b the next major transfer.. realli wish to get away.. she's sucha loud n crazy gal.. shoutin n screamin no matter where n wat is she doin.. no wonder my hearin deter so much these daes.. she can just shout into my ear and think its okay.. oh my.. i have a new speaker in shop man..

dunnoe y, i just cant stand her.. she just love to b proud n oso love to criticise ppl.. damn man.. even da customer din do anithin to her, she always have sumthin to say bout them.. that's stereotypin!! its realli bad and unfair to someone.. hmm... so bad.. but she just continues and think its noraml.. i told her not to b so mean but i guess inside her heart she must b cursin mi n thinkin im mad.. luckily, i dun give a damn.. -laughs- finally my roster fur next week is nicer if not im gonna scream my heads off.. -laughs-

*yawn* so tired.. think im gonna keep today's short.. oh ya baby.. sumhow i feel u lyk unhappy wif mi.. let mi noe kae.. sorry gal if i did anithin wrong.. hmmm.. sumhow botherin mi that we r driftin..

supper... -laughs-

2005-08-21T02:17:00.000+08:00

4:30am.. i woke up by e great pain that i had in my stomach.. its so bloody pain.. its lyk sumbody took a knife and stabbed at mi.. oh my god.. there's nuttin i can do.. its so obvious that its indigestion.. i cant stop perspirin.. so irritatin.. sittin, lying, squattin and curlin up is all not an option.. im sleepin half way and endurin e freakin pain.. kept thinkin that i juz need da slp cuZ still needa work later.. oh my.. wat if i realli cant tak it animore.. my... its killin mi.. gotta pop down sum medicine to subside da pain..
finally, its gone or mayb i juz fall aslp without it affectin mi.. -laughs-

woke up realli early to go work.. luckily im reliefin at tiong bahru today.. if not needa wake up even earlier.. so bloody sleepy.. damn it.. gonna b zombie today.. so boring.. yawn yawn yawn... so tired yet i needa go fur supper wif mickey.. i must keep my words.. cant always let ppl down.. hmmm.. finally da whole dae passed..

he's late!! oh my god.. kae.. i end early but he's even later den da time we shle meet.. *humph* make mi wait so long... damn it.. sittin all alone at da bus stop feelin so idiotic.. -laughs- he's here.. ooo.. den we walked all da way down to da place..
yeah.. hor fun im cummin.. i always love their hor fun.. so damn nice can.. hee hee.. the supper outin was very nice n comfortable.. we talk alot.. cant believe it.. -laughs-

hmmm.. i suddenly realli feel lyk listenin to maria carey's "we belong together".. laughs... today was fun but damn tired... -sobs-

What is Love??

2005-08-19T01:42:00.000+08:00

what a damn day.. finally today im doin sumthin according to my plan, my timing.. been planning this whole week's schedule and im really followin it.. -laughs- im so happy.. yest went sun tanning with rach and it seems so effective.. today evryone just kept askin why i bacame so dark out of sudden.. im ecstatic.. -laughs-

hmmm... many things been running thru my mind recently.. there's so many things happening.. esp negative ones.. this is realli an disturbing things.. my eyes just cant stop twitching for this whole week.. mayb im tired or as what some says its a sign.. whateva it is, i just realli feel uncomfortable that it cant stop.. hmmm..

today seems to be a rather bad day.. i am so tired and stress.. so bad mood since last nite that i even off my phone.. im just not concentrating.. kept losin my focus.. dunnoe why.. mood swinging realli bad.. -sigh-

why are guys always like that?? pls tell me, what is love man.. why they can bring you so high up and yet throw you real down and hard with thier bare hands?? i never figure out love.. its just so complicating an no one is willing to simplifies it..

to think that you would keep ya love ones just by marrying him/her?? no.. its wrong.. now here what happens.. she's already 50+ and her husband too... yet, he is havin an affair outside!! wat the.. who is the one to blame now?? in that house, he's not the only one who is stress and held the responsibility to earn money.. i mean she carries that great responsibility too.. at thier age, i never expect it to happen.. im just utterly shocked when i heard bout it.. i realli do not noe how to tok to her.. i mean he may had his side of story too but wat i feel is that no matter wat, guys shld not do such a thing behind thier gf or wife.. no one loves to be hurt...

older generation has such things happen yet now adays it occurs too..

she is so in love with him.. they are together happily and sweet as what i sees.. though i do hears bout they quarrel but all these conflict is just to let them understand each other and be even closer.. or mayb my mindset is wrong?? he called for an end today.. she's realli calm but i cant see from her face that its affecting her greatly.. he noes that today is her test den why shld he bother to do all these shits?? just another jerk.. i mean everythin can be solve but he just nv give any chance to her.. before we even enter to the venue for our test, he msged her and exclaimed that he's already attached to sombody else.. when she showed it to mi.. i was like.. *jaw drop* im really sppechless and really do not know what to say.. "wat the f*ck" is the onli words that came out..

im just so pissed with him.. how can he do this?? she loved and so faithful to him.. he was the one that made her smile.. but now, he just crashed her feelings.. her face was so emotionless.. when i gave her pat on her back, she's still smiling to mi.. oh my god.. i noe she's devastated inside her heart.. i dunnoe wat to sae to make her feel betta.. probably now, she's crying out loud in her bed..

love stories are always so fairy like.. to mi.. i realli doubt love and guys now.. they are just so fake..

Bonsoir

2005-08-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

today was suppose to b a long day but mi n mel decided not to go fur french last min.. -laughs- i dunnoe how r we gonna improve lyk this man.. so tired.. i totally cant concentrate.. my eyes realli wanna close when i look at my notes.. -laughs- mi n her went to the cafe in sch... ooo.. the drink is not bad lor.. i drank the "oreo mocha".. so sweet!! oh man.. its just so sinful.. im realli growin fatter.. its so damn obvious... -laughs-

finally mel said im tanner.. everytime i ask her, she sld sae nope.. i dunnoe why.. -laughs- make mi realli happy.. that means my tan is obvious.. haha.. gonna kept goin to tan.. if not i'll becum fair, fat n ugly again.. dunnoe how am i gonna slim down man.. im plannin realli hard.. -sigh- but if i continue to sleep so late, i dun think i can do my sit ups.. so shall b watchin my diet.. -laughs- cant imagine a day without chocs.. but no chioce.. i must do it.. if not ppl will vomit when i go tannin.. -laughs-

i went bodyshop at tiong today.. jasmine is there!! its been months since i last saw her.. she's still treatin mi so nice wif warm smiles.. hmmm.. yati is so nice too... i onli noe her not long yet she invite mi to her weddin next week.. so happy fur her.. great to see that she's happy settlin down soon.. i dunnoe why they r lyk my good frens though i onli visit em lyk once a month.. so lucky to noe em.. i love nice ppl.. laughs..

-sigh- why everyone so busy?? julian haven been msgin mi.. he seems to b so tied with his work.. even on msn.. i juZ feel so bored that no one is actually givin mi attention.. -sigh- im lonely!!

Life simply sucks...

2005-08-16T01:01:00.000+08:00

im workin 6 to close today.. i haven even start work, it just spoiled my mood..

im inside the fittin room puttin my make up den after everythin is done, i wanna put my blusher back in the pouch but it just slipped thru my hand and i just watched it fall to the ground.. it was crashed into pieces.. my heart realli pained at that point of time.. i picked it up in my hand, when i see that the colours r in mixture n in pieces, i realli feel lyk cryin.. wat the hell.. i just bought it man.. oh my god.. wat have i done.. im so stupid.. damn it man.. sigh.. its limted edition can.. no longer sellin.. and i realli love it.. i can still my heart is tearin now.. arrghh.. so sad!!

im terribly broke and such thing has to happen.. wats wrong man.. am i cursed or wat?? *sigh*

actually.. i realli dunnoe y i just feel so irritated.. on msn, everyone tell mi that its juZ a blusher but im just feelin lyk this.. there's no way they r makin mi feel betta.. is it mi or wat? i get so pissed easily.. im not behavin myself these daes.. just cant help thinkin life realli sucks these daes.. at this pt of time, i just wish that i can sleep and nv wake up again.. that will realli give mi a peace of mind.. i just feel that i have lost all my attention from others.. everybody is driftin away from mi.. leavin mi alone here to die.. *sigh*

wat a nite man...

2005-08-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

i dunnoe wats wrong with mi todae... im very agitated... i juZ get pissed realli easily... i think its due to e war im thru last nite...

he's so irritatin... i confront him of wat he had told others yet he kept denyin.. i mean i realli dunnoe who's speakin e truth lor.. when i hear those things im utterly shocked.. -->he told her that he dun like mi at all.. im juZ the one clingin on to him.. wat the f*uck.. who's e one goin after who?? why the f*ck on earth u makin mi sound so desperate.. im realli f*ckin pissed.. if u r juZ playin game wif mi, its over kae.. im not desperate!! im happy being alone now..!! i dun need u to b here.. i mean u make mi sound lyk a slut.. i dunnoe why am i so affected.. i juZ feel cheated.. so this is ya true colour yea.. fine den.. i dun wanna b sum1 u wanna play wif.. there's still so mani gers out in da clubs kae.. juZ pick ani now..

cant believe when i confronted u, u totally din mention this.. so who's e one lyin to mi?? u or her?? u guys r realli makin mi damn confuse.. n i get very irritated when im confused.. u make it sound lyk i get a very bad source.. and all i said wasn't true.. but i mean, i realli still cant realli trust u.. u love mi?? i dun think so.. im sure when sum1 new cum by, u will b gaga after her.. hmmm.. stop all these shit kae.. i hate being confuse..

all these shit juZ made mii had a late mite.. im juZ so sleepy.. so y is julian pissin mi off too?? everyone juZ gettin in my way.. he may b jokin but im juZ not in e mood fur one early in e morn when im alrd late.. wat a bad face he gave mi.. so damn irritatin can... *sigh* todae shld b a very peaceful day juZ lyk ani other sch day..

but.. there's still sum1 who have to piss mi.. n that's tim.. k.. i noe our article fur e proj is not power enough but u dun needa to sae u think we shld juZ abandon it n start all over agn... u noe how much time we have left?? onli 3 daes k.. not even full daes.. im really tryin very hard to stay committed n help but u r not compromisin wif mi at all.. argh... -gettin on my nerve- wat were u doin when all the rest of us r rushin to do our part?? damn it.. nvm.. i noe u have us in ya interest.. i mean i think im juZ too sensative today bah.. i exploded at him today.. im so mean!! oh my..

i realli think i need anger management course.. *sigh* i realli hope he dun tak it to heart.. n others too.. esp amelia.. i juZ cant stop screamin, shoutin n cursin in front of her.. im sure she dun lyk it too.. sorry yea.. *sigh* i realli dun wish to offend anione lah..

i juz wan peace yea..

im realli confuse in life now.. im juZ losin my focus.. i mean i noe i wun wanna juZ stop at diploma but im not realli workin that hard.. *sigh* wat am i doin?? why i cant concentrate?? why there's still so much things in my mind?? i hope i'll get back to track soon.. shld put all love love thingy behaind mi n concentrate in my studies now.. i dun need ani1 anywae as long as i have ppl lyk my dad, my sis, Rach baby, cass baby, ash dalin can le.. i noe u guys will stand by mi..

my life is juZ so stress.. im a livin zombie now.. *sad* i dun lyk it..

..just another day..

2005-08-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

-yawn- so tired now.. din go school and work today.. *sigh* feel lyk an idiot man.. im so poor yet i took mc and din go... hmmm... guess next month i gonna eat bread n plain water le.. haha.. im always so poor!! arghhh.. irritatin..

Rach came over and accompany me man.. she's so nice.. gee.. i think im crazy, im sick yet me n her were munchin a whole bar of chocs.. family sized oh.. haha.. feel tt we r very power man.. lol.. i had never know slackin at my place can be quite fun too oh.. haha.. mayb cuZ she's here.. i love her accompany.. such a great friend to have..

im sick and there's ppl so carin of mi.. oh man, i juZ feel bad tt they r doin all these.. even not action, words r juZ as sweet as honey to mi.. they making mi guilty.. y would you wanna spend money to take cab down to my place juZ to pass mi Ferrero Rocher.. am i worth tt effort?? seein me fur 5 mins made you damn happy.. oh man.. you made me believe in sum way that you r true.. but i still dunnoe myself.. *sigh*

i dunnoe why, ever since wat happened that nite, i juZ kept stop askin myself do i realli miss him?? i mean i tot this whole two months has help mi to forget him.. im always remindin myself how bad he treat mi n how little attention, love and care he gave mi.. i know his not the one and i know he has confirm moved on.. y cant i??

im juZ a bitch who treat everyone fur grunted.. why you wanna treat me so nice?? i mean if i cant forget him to be with you, how would u feel and react?? will you still talk so nicely to me?? give me the attention that i love?? i realli dunnoe.. i noe im self fish to keep u hangin but i realli dunnoe if im ready.. im realli sorry kae..

im juZ losin my faith n focus in every single thing now.. i dun have time.. i juZ feel that everyday is so damn pack n its makin mi very tired.. i cant breath.. i wan a peace of mind to let mi truly noe myself n to think of wat n who is it tt i truly wan..

Today...

2005-08-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

oh my god.. having hang over early in the morning.. what the hell man.. i'm drunk at the party last nite.. i mean, what's wrong with me man.. why i ruin my nite myself.. arghh.. i even said things that i dun mean it.. *sigh* what did i do?? hmmm.. i really cant remember now..

firstly, i juZ cant stop drinking only till i went to vomit.. oh man.. i feel terrible.. i cant stop crying and tellin rach how much i miss him.. *sigh* do i really still miss him that much?? i cant ans that myself.. i have given rach so much trouble the whole nite man.. i even made mickey send me home.. what am i thinkig?? i didn't even remember sayin that.. *sigh* he even carry me to the cab.. oh man.. im sure i made a fool out of myself.. what a damn terrible nite..

waking up from all these.. i went sun tanning.. so many ppl and so many gross ppl.. haha.. *eek* they r juZ so disgusting..-lol- ooo wee... the sun is juZ so strong.. haha.. yeah man.. i love the sun!! lol.. im a big fat lobster now.. haha.. juZ hope my tan wld b really successful..

went to town.. oh man.. i realli wish im a rich ger... nananana~~ see so many things i wanna buy man.. *sigh* tt guess bag is callin my name.. haha.. sumtime juZ hope life wld b betta.. haha... i shall starve myself n save it.. haha.. im working so hard and trying so hard to have fun too.. i realli dunnoe how to cope with everythin man.. life is so expensive..